One of the most fascinating divorce statistics is that a majority of divorces in modern America come from a breakdown in communication and relational intimacy. Divorces based on these issues account for almost twice as many divorce cases as infidelity, abuse, or mismanagement of family finances. But these amicable divorces remain painful, even if you’re trying to spare each other pain. If you’re considering divorce, there’s no reason you should amplify your pain further. Avoiding these 8 common divorce mistakes can spare you a lot of trouble during the divorce process.
Keep reading to find out what they are.
1. Avoiding Therapy
When you’re getting divorced, you need a lawyer to give you good advice and to handle your case so that it goes smoothly. However, you also need to be in therapy to deal with the emotional pain. It’s very easy to make mistakes if you’re in intense pain.
Some lawyers can provide a sense of comfort or security, but they aren’t a dependable source of emotional support or life advice. Therapy is almost certainly necessary for a successfully handled divorce.
Going to a therapist can give you tools to deal with the pain and the problems it causes. If you’re dealing with your pain correctly, you stand a much better chance of navigating your divorce case wisely.
2. Removing Your Spouse from Medical Insurance Before the Divorce is Over
This is normally something that happens in adversarial divorces, but it can also be done negligently. For the rest of this article, consider this one principle: behaviors and factors that demonstrate your best intentions for your spouse and children (if you have children) are better for your case. Acting well can help you fight fault-based accusations if your spouse initiates proceedings, or can help prove your spouse’s fault if you’re proceeding down that route.
If you’re the primary insurance holder, taking your spouse off your health plan looks really bad. This can damage your image in the eyes of the judge and cost you dearly in many ways. It’s best to take this sort of action when you draw up your post-divorce budget if you can.
3. Not Compromising
Filing for divorce opens up a new reality for the division of your family’s assets. It’s virtually impossible to get everything you want unless your spouse gives up or if you’re offering a generous settlement they won’t fight. If you want to settle out of court, you have to compromise on a few things.
Compromising and coming to an agreement can end the case quickly (which is the cheapest option). Even willingness to compromise will demonstrate your good intentions to a judge if the case does go to litigation.
4. Disregarding Court Orders or Lawyers’ Advice
Acting against the orders of a court can have short and long-term repercussions. At the very least, such actions diminish the judge’s opinion of you which bodes badly for any decisions you may want them to make in your favor. It’s also likely that you’d be fined or jailed for contempt of court.
Disregarding your legal team’s advice won’t have legal penalties, but it isn’t wise. They have experience and know how to handle your case to the end that you get the best possible outcome. Going against their advice (doing your own thing) can indirectly scuttle your case if your actions end up hurting your spouse or your children.
5. Non-Communication in Plans Involving Children
Deviating from your interim agreement with your spouse or going against the parenting plan is another way to damage your case irrevocably. This can be as bold as taking your kids and running or simply failing to take your spouse into account when interacting with and planning things for your children. The court takes note when a parent does things that can be construed as weaponizing any children of the marriage.
6. Talking Badly About Your Spouse to Children
Telling your kids bad things about their other parent is a surefire way to hurt them, as their mental health is heavily influenced by their relationships with both parents. Judges also often view this action as a spouse trying to hurt their partner by going through the kids. Either of these perceptions can hurt you in child custody proceedings.
Be sure to talk as little as you can about your spouse and the case to your children. Make sure you never send messages to your spouse through your children. If you have to talk about it, assure the kids that it isn’t their fault, that both parents love them very much, and that everything will work out okay for them, for your spouse, and for you.
7. Being Flippant About Finances
If you are the spouse who made the money, managed the money, or both, then you need to be certain that all the assets are fairly reported. You also need to take care to draft any interim divisions of cash flows and other such arrangements according to what your incomes and expenses really were. Being negligent or dishonest in this area can have some of the most devastating effects on your case.
Make sure you pay what is ordered by the court or what is agreed to. Also, avoid using finances as a weapon against your spouse as this is another way to lose the judge.
8. Doing Something That Causes Undue Pain or Stress
“Getting back” at a mean spouse may feel worth it, but in the end it only makes you both seem bad to a judge. Attacking your spouse out of anger if they haven’t done anything is much worse.
Whether it’s stalking, harassment, or even just bad social media etiquette, any form of “meanness” directed at your spouse should be avoided.
Avoid Common Divorce Mistakes By Getting Legal Advice
Divorces are some of the most traumatic events a person can go through. If you are considering a divorce, don’t add to your pain by making any of these common divorce mistakes. Hiring a divorce lawyer who knows your State divorce laws (and a therapist) is your best chance of navigating through this difficulty towards a peaceful and workable ending.
Make sure you handle your case and any interactions with your spouse with care. If you’re looking for a legal team to help manage this with you, why not look us up? Our law firm is located in York, Pennsylvania and we’d be most happy to help you.